Relationship Dynamics in Life and in Love
Love & Relationships
Freedom & Fulfillment
Health & Well Being
Passion & Purpose
Andre has been studying people his entire life. Over a decade ago, he was compelled to teach his findings and knowledge to the masses for they kept asking him “why things seemed to be so hard or confusing” when dealing with relationships, people, and life.
Often, relationships can seem to be in a power struggle. The magic is to be fully aware of the energy mechanism in place in these dynamics and learn how to negotiate terms to reduce power friction. This truly is the basis of Andre’s work.
Andre is married for over two decades and is a proud parent of two teens. His expertise spans not only over his knowledge studies, research and expertise as a Coach, Teacher, Educator, Mentor, and Speaker, but also with his own personal life journey and experience in dating, love, parenting and business.
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Welcome to the Heart Soul Wisdom podcast, a journey of self discovery and transformation. Moira Sutton and her amazing guests share real life stories, tools and strategies to inspire and empower you have to create and live your best life. Come along on the journey and finally blast through any fears, obstacles and challenges that have held you back in the past so you can live your life with the joy, passion and happiness that you desire. Now, here's your host Create the Life you Love, empowerment life coach, Moira Sutton.
Episode 51, relationship dynamics in life and in love with our very special guest, Andre Parodi. Andre has been studying people his entire life. Over a decade ago, he was compelled to teach his findings and knowledge to the masses, for they kept asking him why things seem to be so hard or confusing when dealing with relationships, people and life. Since his studies and understandings of relationship dynamics is so vast, Andres knowledge expands across all types of subjects, such as love and life relationships with men and women, regardless of gender or orientation, raising children married or single and effective communication strategies and tools. Often relationships can seem to be in a power struggle. The magic is to be fully aware of the energy mechanism in place in these dynamics, and learn how to negotiate terms to reduce that power, friction. This truly is the basis of Andres work. Andre is married for over two decades and is a proud parent of two teams. His expertise spans not only over his knowledge, studies, research and expertise, which we're going to go into today as a coach, teacher, educator, mentor and speaker, but also with his own personal life journey and experiences in dating, love, parenting and business. So without further ado, I would like to welcome Andre Parodi. Welcome, Andre.
Unknown Speaker 2:30
Morning. Oh, good afternoon. Thank you, Mara. Good day. Good day.
I love that. You know, it's sort of like, I think when a relationships if somebody always says, you know, honey, or let's say you're dating and you say, oh, Susie Oh, no, it's Anne Marie. Jo. You're always safe with honey,
Unknown Speaker 2:47
you know, right. I use darting about Charlie.
I like to you know, the only person says darling to me is my mom. And she's Scottish. And she thought it was bothering me at the beginning. And I said, No, I like hearing that from you. And you're the only one that can call me. But she calls me darling. And what is this thing today before we get into this with this babe thing like, Hey, baby, yeah, baby, or, you know, Mama, or
Unknown Speaker 3:13
the new one is bait, be a he?
Like, I wouldn't want to be somebody's baby. I don't know. It's just part of culture and different, you know, from different generations. Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 3:26
So that adaptation to like terms of endearment. So I call my wife Bade, she calls me baby, right? I go, my woman, she says, You're my man. I like that. We know people get offended. Sometimes they go, she's not your woman. She's your wife. I go watch this. If you're my woman, and you're my man, and they go, Oh, okay, got it. You guys are like that. They get they get that we're bantering. Right. But they if they have, you know, people are so easily triggered. Yeah, when I go meet my woman, they get all right. I'm like, No,
but that's this nice. We do that kind of thing. My man, my woman. My man. We're gonna get into all of that today. But senior, you're just as experts and you know, the dynamics and, you know, life and just relationships. So I wanted to start with if you've really had quite the life, like you've led a light, you know, experiences dancing with the legends. I love this. Michael Jackson, Prince Paul, what do I think he also did some producing with Politico, and Julio Yglesias, just to name a few, like, you know, what, what point in your life was that turning point, that aha moment that you decided to shift into becoming this relationship coach and educator of effective communication?
Unknown Speaker 4:46
Well, you know, my life was sort of in three phases. So I was a dancer. Then I became a business owner in Los Angeles when I stopped dancing after 15 years, but part of my default as it as a as a, my brain is constantly curious and thirsty for knowledge. I've always been like this. I'm curious about everything. Like, you know, the moment we got pregnant with a researcher like so I waited to what happens to her body? And how does it differ? So I could I could explain to you like this is four years before we got pregnant we're just talking about it right and research I knew everything was gonna happen to her body, the hormones the water, the blood, the fluid, the the mood swings, every right because I'm a curious guy. So if anything is fun to me, that's relevant. I want to dig into it. So I started, I was always been like this. So I started watching people studying humans, this watching people behave when I was a child at the age of five, out of out of trying to figure out what was wrong, my family. So seriously, this was started. But I became an observer of people and observer of life and curious about the human condition. How do you turn on like this? And how do you turn on like this? How come you like what? Why don't I mean, the differences between us? And so and then curious about life in general. So 23 years old, I started taking personal development workshops, in every possible way, like with money with myself, with relationships with love matters, with dynamics with people, every everything we do around the constantly people think, I think Speaker relationship. It's, you know, love relationship, but it's everything is relationships, everything, right? work, relationships, business, relationships, communication, you don't I mean, so it all encompasses you the human condition, we're always in relationships with someone somewhere, constantly, you know. So that's great. That's fascinating. So that's how it's kind of all started 2006. I was in Northern California, in a another workshop, of course. And at that point, I was trying to learn some more business tricks for my business. On flying back to Los Angeles after that workshop, one of the ladies that I've met in the workshop is we're sitting in the same row, and she's like, What do you do next Saturday? And they go, Oh, I don't work on the weekends. You know, she goes, Do you want to come to a workshop? And of course, you know, she's inviting me as a guest ratio. And those workshops could be hundreds and sometimes 1000s of dollars. Right. So you're inviting me, Mister curious to a free workshop. Yeah, right. And then they go Wait, so what's the workshop? Which is like, it's called understanding women. And like, Oh,
Unknown Speaker 7:34
now you have to understand without arrogance, you know, because of my dance background, because it was always me and 50 women in every class that I taught in every rehearsal, right, like, my life was me. And 50 Girls, right. And so, normally, I had no issue with the girls. I knew how to deal with them, work with them, you know, be with them. I always attract the sweet women. So I never did the crazy stuff that my friends seem to do. So I actually thought I knew something. That was I thought it was me like, you know, I so what are you gonna teach me about women ladies? Like I you know, there's never been a thing for me and my wife at the time, you know, married a few years. Just she's an angel. Like, I got this. But they said it was gonna go so I went and I thought was gonna be cute. And it wasn't when I walked in the room. There was a big airport hotel here in Los Angeles. I walked in the room those 400 people in there and instantly went Oh, like something's going on here. Like this is not cute, right? Anyway, at the end of the workshop, my brain was really all over the floor all over the walls. I realized that Mr. Smooth over here who you know had an ease with ladies and some thought he was whatever I realized that I knew nothing about women. Absolutely nothing 00 And in worst thing more dangerous and you don't think about my wife? Don't mean and then then so I again I panicked a little bit because I have my angel right my baby I have my girl I have my wife I have wept with by that time with the babies. The kids were toddlers baby nothing is wrong right we're not looking for this communication. Like I'm not looking for this material. But thank God I truth on this stuff because I went into oh my god, what am I doing? What am I what may I be doing to her that I'm not aware of the mixer resent me take things personally. Think I'm a jerk right I heard it feelings all the time. No, no, I don't mean to how's that possible domain so my brain exploded like I was not going to be a statistic because I didn't know I just wasn't going to be to get on me might be possible for my brain so I went course jumped into the company to all the material all the curriculum all their workshops, a minute later of worship leader for them, of course and I was a teacher so that's a natural extension. You know, I mean, And then that was that's how it started. That's how it started. I didn't stay with that company, but I kept researching and studying because like, oh my god when you pop the lid on this stuff, right? Oh, so I ended up studying with five masters in the well in different angles of the relationship world, right? Dr. John Gray is right, he's material this materials changed throughout the years. The past 10 years is all about the chemistry of our bodies, as opposed to destroy you know, he so he's fascinating stuff chemistry is this. So I'm teaching by the way to cheat. I'm teaching nature and chemistry. I love the science why this is not my opinion. So, you know, Dr. John Gray, Esther Burrell, at the time was not as big as she is now. But she's all about, excuse me intimacy, and you know why people cheat? Or what is the you know, that whole mechanism fascinating again, another another layer in relationship, shot Shaunti Feldhahn. She's in the South, in teaching love and respect dynamics that are based in the Bible, which is interesting, because that was a whole different approach a relationship dynamic. Allison Armstrong was the one who did the workshop understanding women that I was in first all about anthropology. And then finally, I ended up for three and a half years working with Dr. Pat Allen to my Sagittarius is math and the family marriage. Child counselor 46 years therapist, but so I am not a therapist, I don't want to be a therapist, because they bound you by limitation. But I'm trying by one, the most famous one in relationships, you know, so the cocktail of my information, the cocktail of the the content that I have, I think is untouchable from having these five angles, that all come together from the back from the we're, you know, it all complimentary, explained everything. Wow. So that became, again that that through the through the years that accumulated all this knowledge, and of course, now my friends are coming at me, my customers are coming at me. And that was the machine. That's how that happened. It was kind of by accident. No. So I don't now believe there's no accident when I was in that workshop, literally just because I was in another coffee shop. And I said yes to curiosity.
Oh, take a deep breath.
Unknown Speaker 12:26
I mean, it's such an adventure, I think about it. Like, what a trip. Like, if I'd been on that plane, if there hadn't been sitting next to me on the plane, you know, none of this would have come to fruition I would have been just boggles my mind how instant in life can change the whole trajectory?
For sure, I also get that that curiosity Do you have because for me, I kept adding, like I've been an entrepreneur for see? Well, over 30 years. And and I always was curious to keep adding stuff to the appointment, one of my brothers was saying, you know, do you need another course? Do you need another course. And I said, I'm fascinated and with different techniques, and then you have different tools and strategies to help the people that you serve. And and that was important to me, or, or when I did healing work. You know, I wanted to add another layer. If let's say this wasn't, you know, aligning with this person, I could always do this. There you go. Yeah. And yeah, so I get what you're saying there. So, our culture today, you know, when it comes to human dynamics and relationships? Yes. Where do you where do you start to teach and empower people? Like, you know, what's the starting point look like? And where does somebody really begin? If they're, you know, it, let's just start with people today in relationships? What are the what are people really looking for? Is it really changed between men and women? Or women and women or men and men? Or oh, yeah, no,
Unknown Speaker 13:51
it's just changed radically the past 10 years. Just interesting. There is people used to come at me because they were like, you know, men understanding not understanding their girlfriends or wives and women across me with men, because somehow they seem disconnected or aloof, right. So there was always the disconnect was always women not understanding men's behavior and men and women's moods or you know, or like actions and why is she taking this personally like, just baffle right and so, that was that was a standard just disconnect. It was really men and women. But about 10 years ago, it changed like, drastically in that I, I hold the cultural pulse, you know, the cultural tidal wave of new belief or dismantling, you know, what we consider kind of more standard, you know, because now we decided that women are much more than, you know,
Unknown Speaker 14:52
what, you know, wives and mothers that women need to be CEOs make a ton of money and Be wives and mothers and be excellent in all of it by the Superwoman syndrome, which is putting a lot of stress on women, and no one really can achieve it. But somehow, that's a standard. So it creates a lot of tension. It's a lot of anxiety for women, which kind of damages if not destroys, the possibility to attain or sustaining relationship. Right on the other side of that now, this is the women's side on the other side is what I see as best 10 years with the the idea that men are dangerous and toxic by nature, and they need to be neutralize or softened. Right. So you now are teaching men to go against their nature, as warriors conqueror protector of women protect their children, right. And you, you shame them from stepping into the power, so they are capable of doing this. And now we have a bunch of guys who don't know how to be men, who then almost lean on women to help them do do live, women are already stressed to their teeth. And now it's more stressful because now she has to carry his butt as well. Because he's not supposed to assembly. So it's gone straight to hell, in my book, like is gone, we went against everything. That is why many black men and women are different enough in the first place, right? We're complementary to each other. We're not equals in the sense of equal rights equal pay equal opportunity, like of course, it's not the same. But the the idea now in a culture that is morphed into men and women are supposed to be equal beings, which means he has to act more like a girl to be a good man, and she has to act want to command to be a good woman. And that is now the kiss of death. This is what destroys relationships completely. it neutralizes the polarity, initialize the dance. And if you both want to lead, you're not going anywhere, if you both want to follow, you're not going anywhere, right? So people go from fighting together, because they both want to lead and be the man in a relationship, regardless of gender, by the way, and or they both want to be, you know, lead. But if you have to want to leave, you see I'm saying, so everything goes to hell. And you know, we blame each other for it. But now it's become a standard operating like this is the standard is men have to be like women to be good men. And if he's not going to be soft, sensitive and vulnerable. Well, no woman is ever going to want to be with him. And that, but that's not working. Women don't respect men who are sweet, sensitive and vulnerable. And don't hang there, you know, handle this stuff. They just don't. The nice guy syndrome, you know, we'll have men slip into friendzone constantly, and then they get angry. And they want to blame women for this, but they're doing what they think is right for the culture. And women have themselves so extended into strong, independent and powerful is killing them. It's killing their spirit. It's killing their energy and it gets them overwhelmed. And it's hard for them to be sweet and lovely. They're just so freaking stressed. So like, both people are stressed in opposition of nature and their own nature physically. It creates confusion. And this is wherever it comes at me when you said where do we start? We start with somebody calling me going, I don't understand. Nothing's working. Help me. This thing to the culture, my mother, my teachers, right, my girlfriend, and nobody's dating me and when they you know if I if if I'm young, I'm pretty I have money. I'm only everything. I'm no trouble. Nobody is seeing me. Nobody's dating me. Nobody's asking me out. And if I manage to get one day, you know, he's like, nice to meet you. And disappears. What's wrong with me? That's how they come. So that's how they come at me. The men are like, I don't know what the hell to do. I don't know what you have the right to say the thing. I'm sick of these pushy women. I'm sickening bent over I'm sick of being told to step up. Or that you know, I have to meet her up here. So they don't jump in. And then the women are like, where are the man where the man they don't do anything, you know, ask us out or they disappear. Well, there we go. kind of broke it up you. That's what I see. That's where we start. Like, what's not working?
Right. I have about five questions that came up during that. Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 19:20
My head? Yeah, like,
Oh, my God, I want to go there. I want to go there. Yeah. Let's just go to the first one then out of this, because you talked about a lot of things in there. Like, you know, I know that you talk about equality is unnatural, and how you feel equality kills intimacy. So we could expand on that because a lot of people say, you know, I want to be equal with my partner. I want that equality, like you're saying equality in the workforce, the equality. Let it be your your, your age, your like we said gender, your your race, any of that. Your religion, all that stuff. Yes. So let's go there first.
Unknown Speaker 19:59
So, so, again, in my world is three things, you have to have relationships, for a relationship to go long term, you have to have chemistry, that's nature, right? That's God given you can't do that you have to you don't beat each other. The second thing is compatibility, you have to compatible in where the lifestyle that you're going for, right? Whether you want to be married, have children or not, whether you want to, like, you know, just be in a meeting situation, we're not married, but you want long term and you want to live in, in Australia at the end of this right? Or do whatever right compatibility is 6000 different ways to do this. Some people can compatibilities being the same religion. For some people, that's not important. Right. So this, whatever lifestyle is important, going in the same direction having the same idea of the future, and how we live is. So compatibility last one is communication. Like, if you care for somebody, you need to be able to communicate your wants and needs, and negotiate those needs respectfully for the thing to go. So these three things are essential. So equality, equality, in the name of, again, equal pay, all that is fine. But imagine, again, I'm going to give you a piece of nature, right? In nature, everything is polarized, everything is polarized. So opposites attract, right, and there's a lot of energy with polarity as in the two magnets a positive and a negative magnet, you know, the more polarized they are in opposition, the more they snap together, you know, really hard, bring two positive magnets together and you can't get them to touch, you would make a push, push, push, right, same with two negative magnet if the same. So this is what is happening with men and women, that what makes a relationship last a long time is the polarity is the fact that is masculine, and that she's feminine, that attracts them to each other is the energy in place. If they're both masculine, and they fight, like two magnets, they push on each other. If they're both feminine, they still pushing each other, but there's no action, right? That nobody does anything. So polarity is essential for the magnetism, right? The attachment, the, the the juice is a lot of juice in that. So not a man, I'm not saying the man has to be the man 100%, a woman has to be the little petite flower. But we need one of each for it to work. So in our culture, even when we flip the script with women who are masculine, and men and more feminized, right, the polarity is still in place, except it doesn't last. It doesn't last that falls apart, that women get tired of working, they want him to step up. He's never learned to step up. He's learned to be passive and follow her. Right. And often she becomes his mother energetically, their sex life goes to hell. And eventually, somebody's playing somewhere else after 10 years, because it's, it's not working like that. The polarity is now backwards. And nature's way of saying, not working. Not working. Typically, even strong, powerful. Women want some guy who's bigger than her. And to just that she could just let go and follow him even as strong power. So it's interesting. There's a lot of like, it messes messes up the mind. There's a cultural, you know, there's a cultural belief, you don't know, man, and the next second they go, but where's my man? I don't know, man, what was my man? There's no way I know. They want a man. But you know, so that's scary with your mind. You know, and men the same thing. Men want to be powerful, but they're told that not to be that women will like him more if they're not, except women don't respect guys who don't have their stuff together. So it's so it's the sort of thing. So, polarities essential backwards, polarity fails within 10 years. That's something to like, see, look, look out in the world. What happens like people come together, polarized backwards, in 10 years, she's sick of him, you can't stand her, you started to get pushed around, they break up, they get divorced, and they start again, when other person that's 10 years they do. So nowadays, people have typically three long term relationships that fail continues and the last one they usually will hang in there is by then their 60s and it's not worth fighting anymore. So it's very interesting. Back to Nature, what works best is when a man is more, you know, grounded into being masculine and you know, hold themselves accountable for the protection and provision of women children in the world. Makes them feel like men. It builds their character makes him feel confident and they with that are happy to protect everyone in the realm. And when a woman is more in line with
Unknown Speaker 24:58
being feminine and letting Go and more interested in being as opposed to doing right doing as masculine being as being as feminine. Right? When you let the men do take charge take responsibility themselves, he's going to hold himself accountable for everything in your life. And in that will take it off of you and women find themselves going, well, he's got it. I don't know how to manage that he'll, because you'll say stuff like I got a baby, nor about this is done again. Right men will hold themselves accountable to keep you happy, comfortable, right in a good space. And this is why they do all the all the we call it like all the logistical work, right? Take care of the car, take care of the house, take care of the money kid, they don't make the money, they kind of the machine of life I call it. Because when when they do, and they pride themselves in that, she gets to relax, she gets to be more into heart centered right more when a woman is relaxed, and you know, get this very basic, very, very basic when when you feel good, as a woman, I feel good in your presence. It's that simple. This is why men love to take care of women, because the moment I could put a smile on your face and have you relaxed. It goes all over me. So instinctively, again, it's nature, instinctively real man, that boys. There's different types in my world. But real men love to take care of women to make him comfortable to make him you know, to make to make him smile. And with him, keep him relaxed. And it's a good thing, a good state of mind and spirit in a body. Because when she feels good, I feel good. Period, you know, and I'm the one who's helping her feel that way. And in that she inspires me to want to do that more to keep him in that space and I'm accountable for that then makes you like a man. So she feels like a woman for being protected taken care of given to and you feel like a man for doing so. It's fantastic, right? Back to Nature. But we've decided that all this is irrelevant now or passe old school? Well, okay. You know, you have two and a half million years of evolution into this kind of dance. Right? 6060 years of feminism ain't changed nothing. And it's going to be another 1500 years. For this they shifted a little bit. So what I'm saying is that Drat, drastic flip of what nature does ease more easily, is causing all the trouble. So their polarity,
we need another another breath there. Equality, breathing exercise here at
Unknown Speaker 27:44
equality not working. You see it that way. It's not working is confusing everything and everyone. Nobody knows what to do. Women have frustrated and men are throwing their hands up there. I can't make her happy. I don't know what she want.
This almost sounds like a fairy tale. Because there's a like, I'm hearing you. And it sounds wonderful. Yeah, and I'm sure a lot of my listeners are thinking that too, because there's a lot of couples that they both have to work, like, you know, the woman can be at home and maybe cook in, you know, have this beautiful home and the man goes out does the you know, the other part looks after her where it's not reality for them
Unknown Speaker 28:18
fully what I'm suggesting, but
Okay, okay, well, in that case, they say they're at a place not a good place in their life because she's feeling frustrated she can never you know even take time off to be with her baby she has to work and and and resents it because she doesn't have that time when they're young. You know, how do you have somebody they're like, do they just ask them to downsize? Or
Unknown Speaker 28:40
yeah, yeah, well, like I said, they don't they again, we get polarized so this is very very part of the problem. I'm gonna say it is the cultural pace again, right that there's this very hard to go against the tide of culture. I call it a tidal wave right so what happens is you know if we expect everybody to work right men and women right because that's the right way to do it now right when you get to be when you grow up we see as boys this now we ask women this right there we go up I got to be relevant in the way I have to work with to pay with what are you bringing right back in the days was Kids Yeah, right. But that was no you better than that. You know what I mean? So okay, that's kind of unfair to how about just that people have no choice but that was the original feminist agenda, right? Like give women choices. You know, your mom be a mom. That's the standard route, right? A path or you could go the money lane. And so you get the Love Lane or the money Lane up you have a choice. Fantastic. Except no anymore. Now you just you have to be the money lane. And you may end up in a lovely later on, which is where it goes to hell because this is what my customers come to me. They don't want to be in the money. lain at the age of 35. Plus, they realize they're lonely, they're stressed out, they don't want to work 60 7080 hours a week, they were so the lemon, that money was gonna make them happy. They're not they want relationships, women are happier when the relationships around them are working, functioning and healthy. Money does not make women happy. Right. But it doesn't make any bad. So both men and women are happier, have more fulfilling lives when they're in relationships. But if everybody's taking stepping into the money lane and forgiving the Love Lane, later on in life, it catches up to them, every one of my clients, right, so the choice is was really, you know, you could be a mom, or it could be a CEO, or I'm supposed to be both, it doesn't work. It's too much. It's two full time jobs right where nobody can attain it. So and the ones that do are not happy to burn out and feel like something's wrong with their lives, they feel like they lost themselves. And they have right there's just too much pouring out. Quality of Life was on the toilet, even though they've seemingly have everything they don't. They feel miserable. Like, I have to have these Comey every year. I have everything. I don't understand what's wrong with me. Well, honey, you're inside out. You completely burnt out completely. Like there's no time and space to relax. You're constantly on that kills a woman long term anyway. So
let's enjoy his dialogue with that, Andre, because like, and even when you do the three things that chemistry being compatible lifestyle communication. Yep. You know, I thought that was interesting how you said the three of them. Yeah, definitely chemistry. I was thinking there with being compatible lifestyle. Because again, when cliff and I met 32 years ago, married 30. You know, it was really we were chemistry. And and we didn't know if we were compatible yet. We just knew that we wanted to go adventures and we sold everything and went lived in the Bahamas on a boat. We both wanted that. And before him, when I dated people, no one was interested in doing that they wanted to stay in their little neighborhood. And I didn't quite understand that when there was a world out there. temperamentally right. Yeah, yes. And, and then through the years, you know, we're committed and everything else in learning curve as yourself, I'm sure ups and downs and curves. I think we all have that. That's part of the journey. Commitment to me, I think is a big or it's not just a drive up order food and doesn't work. Because we've heard of people who have that mentality going into a commitment. It could be marriage or whatever, where they're committing and saying, Oh, if it doesn't work, I can get out of this. There'll be something else that kind of thing. And, but lifestyle and all that I think is really important to like you're saying, and for us, we we have both worked through our whole marriage from the beginning. And when I talked about the beginning and a baby, I was working, then I was doing healing work. And I didn't really want to do that. I wanted to just be with the baby. Right. So I was one of those people. I don't know, it was really there again. Yeah. Because it was yeah, in nature. As a mother, you'll do anything to protect your child like later.
Unknown Speaker 33:07
But yeah, you know, again, yeah.
And you'll get that back. So like, for me, looking back, we both created that. But yeah, there could have been other choices. And there are choice points at every time in our life every day. So
Unknown Speaker 33:21
yeah. Again, to me, I always say, you know, this is the I like to sound the alarm because you know, it's getting worse and worse so that the new the millennials are completely I think they're screwed, because they don't even, they can't even consider what you and I have been able to consider and live through. Because it's thinkable thinkable to take that a woman, you know should not work full time and just be as powerful and equal to remand. So they he can't control her and she also has an option to get out if she wants to. But that's part of the problem. Did I mean if you if you get a step into something just because you have you have an out in? That's No, right. Try to try to build a business where you have yourself at out just in case, you know, it's probably gonna fall apart. Yes, yes. I mean, as opposed to this has to work, right? This is our livelihood, right? You got to make it work, you got to put the work and time and the energy behind it. Right so if you approach your marriage or your relationship like a business, like you would approach a new business right there is no failing there's just getting you know on the other side of it and really learning all the negotiation and all the conversations and all the talking through all the possibilities and all the stuff that comes with life because even when things go well in relationship life will come and kick you in the head right? So do help each other how do you support each other how do you fall apart? You blame each other like, like come on, right so you have you want to really that's where equality again with women trying to keep themselves safe by you know Building a system around themselves, that keeps them safe on paper, but doesn't keep them safe himself, keep them safe in their relationship, because nobody's really all the way in and they wonder why it's not satisfying. And then people walk away, you know, because they kind of hang in there until they maybe get bored of each other. Right? But they're not committed. They're not really, really committed. Right? So and that's a big problem. So, and
no, and if somebody uses that card, you know, I'm gonna leave you, you know, like that threats don't get you anywhere. And maybe one day they won't says no, please, you know, like, it's just, you don't threaten somebody, anybody doesn't like to be backed into a corner any worse. Of course, that's an HR thing.
Unknown Speaker 35:45
That's manipulation. Yeah. And I mean, and people do end up I get that, but, you know, if you help the, you're gonna probably want to try to negotiate and supposed to manipulate. Now, as a whole, that's a whole different angle. But so I'm suggesting, you know, what is it? Uh, you want the sound the alarm? Like, you know, millennials have no idea, right? I had a guy complained the other day, I almost died. Are you ready for this? Like, so part of the problem we talked about earlier with, you know, you need both incomes to survive. Nowadays. That's, that's a myth. That's an absolute myth. You know, what happens if she works full time, and he works full time? Like, that's called a convenience, convenient relationship. When you first get together? Everybody's working? That's, that's how it is today. Right? So yeah, his salary or salary, they come together, whether they marry your mate. And, and that money is like, oh, so we make together 20 $50,000 a year. So we can afford this house. Right. So now they strap themselves in the property that's costing accordingly to their lifestyle. Right? Except if they had this compatibility again, right, if they had an idea that they want to have children, which is typically people get married, to have children, there's not other there's not much reason to get married. There. I mean, it's a legal document, you know, to bound the family and have, you know, raise children. It's, it's, it's a commitment, so you use commitment to believe children. Right? So but now, so. But if you have children, then her salary is going to, you know, if she decides that she's the one who's going to be the mother, you're not gonna know, like, then then what we can afford it because, you know, we need her salary to keep up the house, right? So people strapped themselves in with poor planning. So if you want to line up, if you want to have children and family, you don't need two full time jobs if you plan it properly, so you can live smaller, right that you could he one salary could support your lifestyle, you you save the money of the second income in, in projecting, having a goal to have one fall off of work for a while anyway, right? Like this. There's ways to do this, you don't have but again, you know, we do as the Joneses do, right? Like we copy whatever else you seem to be doing. If people are driving Tesla's and Lexus isn't live in houses, and they need both salaries to keep the machine pumping all the time. And there's no space for break, they can't afford it. And then of course,
and health emergency or something, you're really
Unknown Speaker 38:17
seriously right, then you're in trouble, catastrophe they were so people aren't thinking long term, people are thinking, living in a way that makes that possible. You know, and again, that's a cultural tidal wave of, you know, more than the Jones habit, you know, they have a Tesla, we can have a Tesla, right. And so, it's, it's not thinking, right, so, my point is go back to sounding the alarm as a young man is in a woman, what do you want? Right? What do you want? Do you want family and children then you get a plan that from the get go, right? Now understanding at one point somebody is going to have to stay behind and be with the children unless you want the system to raise your kids which most nobody normal wants to nobody wants to have to go to school than any and, and or, you know, the after school program raising children didn't mean like most women as you know, even if you think I'm gonna go back to work in six months, you don't want to go back to a six months. Most women, right? They want to be the children they realize, oh my god, this is like the best thing I've ever done. But then it has to work logistically, which means plan for that right plan. So I was gonna say the story that I heard last week was like this guy was making real this long article. I think it's on Twitter. I hate Twitter. But this whole thing about he was so disappointed in his wife because she was working for a company blah, blah, blah, and she's always been that working woman and he was happy that she was working right within that manly so they're both salaries, were allowing their lifestyles and take vacation time they decided to have a baby and they agreed after four months, you're gonna go back to work because they need a salary to keep themselves in that lifestyle. And up to For months, she's like, I don't want to go to work. I want to stay home, I want to stay with the baby like this. This didn't make every again, nature kicked in. A lot of women gets like, surprised by that one, right. But you think you could just have a baby and go back to work, you know, three months in and just drop it off a daycare, and most women can't. Most women can't. They want like nature goes by like, like, you attach the skin and you can just go to it's unimportant. Like, it's the priorities go like, radically For some women, right. And this surprised them. So this woman did the same thing, which is nature, again, much more normal than the other way. And he was angry at her, because she was ruining their lifestyle, because she wanted to be a stay at home mom for a little while anyway. And I'm like, wow, like, this is something that we've never, like, we thought we'd never we talked about this than 20 years ago. Like, not one man would blame his wife, but one to be as my mother's kids, you know what I mean? Like, so that's the new cultural pulse. Right? Like, like, and that's torturing people and their children. You know, and having people spin way too fast, way too hard. And you don't have to there's no such thing, as you know, you all have to work. It's not like,
well, what have you found then that what, what on the basis of the people you work with in the studies and everything you've done that woman? And then also men? What do they truly want in relationships? Is it one like sort of, it's not one package? But do you find that it's maybe shifted more people want to be together? Not have kids maybe not make that choice? Then you still have the ones that want children? Then you have the ones that whatever? What do what have you found that women truly want? And what do men truly want?
Unknown Speaker 41:49
Well, I'm going to tell you what the ones who are successful to that could be helpful.
Helpful. Yeah. I've got a pencil down.
Unknown Speaker 41:56
This is like this is like straight couples, gay couple lesbian couples, that, you know, by studying the ones who succeeded in relationships, right? We, we kind of put together the formula. A very simple thing was back to what I was talking about earlier polarity, but check it out. And we're going to be an example outside of love dynamic. Yes. issue the same principle. Anybody? Have these two guys that are partners in Los Angeles, they have a personal development company, of course, I know them. Because, anyway, so the two guys, right? They're not together, they're just business partners, right? And they make a ton of money. Because in the past partnership, right, in the realm of making money being successful in their partnership, which is personal development workshops, guess what their temperament of each one of them is complete in polarity. Right. One is the alpha outward, talk to everybody, you know, grab the mic. public presentation in your face opens all the door talks everybody, you know what I mean? Like the the extroverted guy. I mean, that's who he is. And he loves it. And the more he just said, the more he feels alive and powerful, and this is his mojo. The other one is exact opposite. Right? The other one is a quiet one. He doesn't want to get on stage do not put a mic in his face, like he would die. They don't I mean, but he's a thinker. He's the quiet one is the introverted one. He's the writer. He's a content creator. He's the one who formulates what he the other one is going to teach. You understand? I'm saying. So that's the frickin partnership, right? So it's not the same if they were both fighting for the microphone, the business would fail. Because who's writing the content? Who's doing the other side of the equation for the partnership to be polarized in a way that we both bring a different piece for the thing to succeed? That's what I'm saying. So gay couples do this one is more masculine and more like extroverted, more, more out in the world more, doing the outside work, if you want. The other one is more introverted is not so willing to go out to work so hard, they'd rather take care of the NES more they work but not as much. Anyway, they find their mojo in into finding what pleases them but the lifestyle is not about pushing so hard. They'd rather help the other guy or the girl you know, coming together and do the part to support them. Right just like these two guys. So all relationships straight gay and lesbian who work have that polarity is temperamental, and wants to work more than one wants to work less once extroverted, the other ones introverted. One is loud, the other one is quiet one Take risks and push through everything and take big risks. They're almost like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, right? Constantly polarized and kind of constantly polarize and be able to support each other in that and move through life with their gifts, as opposed to both trying to get the mic, which is what we teach our culture. Now, girls, you don't get to sit back and be behind them, you know, you get to stand, you know, next get this is even worse than that. But what do you think about that? Do you see what I'm saying? That's what I'm talking about. Right? Like, that's what works the polarity of bringing two pieces to say ballroom dancers, right. They don't do the same things. And she's not passive. She's doing, actually very actively exactly what he's doing backwards in long dress and heels. Right? Like, it's, it's a challenge in that, but they're not doing the same job. They're complementary to each other. That's what healthy relationships look like. Don't do the same thing. They complement each other and gifts. Boom.
Yeah. So I think that's a dance of the feminine the mask. And then also, when we just started today, you had that lovely picture of you and your wife, behind, you know, salsa dancing. And I told you, we went to Argentina, and it was such a unique experience, watching them on a stage dance. It was just, it just blew our minds and how they move together in the love dance.
Unknown Speaker 46:21
You know? Yeah, we get this, you know, the metaphors between dancing and relationships are fantastic. That's my background. So it makes complete sense to me. Yes. But like, again, it's who brings wet, right, but have you seen ballroom dancers as well danced bonus. So if you've seen ballroom dancers, and they come gliding across the floor, and it looks effortless, like they're sliding on ice, like the little bit floating on air, right? And it's looks so relaxed, and seems so easy, and so beautiful. Well, your numbers work, and practice went into that. I can tell you, that was my life. So like anything else, you know, that if you're going to really get into a commitment, and go deep into building something that somebody you're gonna have to know and step in and practice what that means, right? So if you get on the dance floor with a new partner, and you both don't know how to dance, it's gonna be a little weird, right? Every relationships in the beginning, you step on each other's toes. Right? You clunky, you know, if he's not a strong leader, you're going to pick it up. Instinct again, right? The moment he's not sure what he's doing, you gotta grab it, because you feel unsafe by the nervous system jumps. Right? If she won't take his lead, because she doesn't want to be driven, right? They're fighting, somebody is going to get hurt. Someone's gonna get the elbow to the nose, right there. Just like I could probably have been there. Right. So there's a there's a there's a dynamic that has to develop between us. Now ballroom dancing is very, very, you know, black and white. But what I'm suggesting in love the dynamic, it's not black and white is all this stuff in between this all the negotiation in between. But the ones that work, temperamentally one wants to do the more leading part the other one wants to do the more supportive part. That's it. Now, if we go again, backwards, like I talked earlier, when women want to be leading, and men who want to be passive, that will work for so long nature will come and bite you in the butt, as well. And you have to Okay, so these are pretty simple concepts. Right? Now, they're not sexist, there are a Thai women than a, you know, stereotypical, right there all the flexible, but again, there's a system for her bodies, that works much more easily. So that made both people more have happier in life more connected to, you know, their own essence satisfied with a partnership. What classic some of that, what's wrong with that? To make it work better? As opposed to buying into the, you know, man culture, or you should be act like a girl as a man be? Quality partner? No, sorry. No way. No way.
So one of the topics you talk about is men and commitment. Yes, I know another they were doing
Unknown Speaker 49:24
well, I can just it makes it just it makes me crazy. You know, it's not that hard. It's not that hard. It's not that hard. But the beauty we teach everything we teach is making impossible. Harder. Oh, yeah. Okay.
Well, you also have generation of things, right? Like my, my, my mom and dad, my dad went to work. My mom stayed at home and raised us and, you know, and that's what I saw growing up and I did think that's what I was gonna do. You know, 18 get married, have little kids. A little picket fence didn't work. As I've been in my 20s relationships didn't work. By the time I met cliff. I was 30 and I had stopped looking like I slept because this isn't working, I sort of just thought maybe it's not for me kids and marriage
Unknown Speaker 50:05
stops all the time. No, no, no. And what I
wanted the day was, I had decided I would move up north, sort of like Bush people kind of thing. Alaskan people. I wanted to be a bush pilot anyway. And I thought, I like good wine, good food, good music, good books. I thought, Oh, just go up there and do that. Maybe that's what I'm going to do. And well, it didn't happen. I was I literally was looking into that. And and then boom, I went into an NLP course and met cliff and everything changed. So yeah, that was a win. I was one of those wins, you talk. It
Unknown Speaker 50:39
was a win. That was a win. You know, you,
there was a topic on a podcast that you were on. I really liked the title of the show. It was what's our husband's doing when he's doing nothing? That really fascinated me? I just wanted to hear how that came out. Where was going?
Unknown Speaker 50:55
Oh, my, I mean, this this against channels left and right on this one. But it's women have this idea that, you know, when men aren't, okay, it starts with this concept that because men don't talk very much by the man either shallow or an unintelligent, or a little bit stupid. Right? Or shutting you out or something like, or sometimes it's different, or this feeling cold, but then the fact that don't talk typically people think that they're, you know, not thinking the TV's not talking you because there's nothing to say because he's not thinking, I get
it sort of saying, Thank you, and they say nothing. And I'm like, What do you mean nothing? Like, I'm woman's always thinking like she's,
Unknown Speaker 51:40
your ticker is always running. I go, yeah. However, however. There's back to nature, right? The hunter, body male, right? Does one thing at a time he goes for a hunt, and then recovers. There's a transition between mission to mission to mission. The hunter goes hunting transition, right rests at some level 30 to 60 minutes depending on the energy expended in the previous hunt. May I say because everything's a hunt. Right back to back to caveman cavewoman. So Hunter brain as opposed to gather a brain gatherer brain is aware of everything all the time all around her this for survival, the everything that she sees everything, she hears everything, she smells, everything, everything the radar is always hyped up. You're aware of everything at all times. That together brain hunters don't do this. Hunters do one thing at a time. It focus on the hunt, when they're hunting, they're not talking together, understand, they don't talk that would be showing away the critters right. So now when we say we work side by side quietly, man, women work side by side, talking all the time connecting safety, different machines. Right? So we see we're not the same in any way that thing is the same. It's exact opposite of the same. And we should embrace that. Instead of trying to force people into does it work? Anyway? So you'll find a man women think and think impossible? How what is wrong with him? Were on Saturday. You know, a Saturday afternoon you sit on the couch. And the TV isn't isn't even on. Right? And so she's always got something going in her head in her life around her there's always shit to do. There's always stuff to do. There's always more to do. It's never right. Did the house never clean is never perfect is all right. You constantly were waiting to be done. And it's just sitting there. And it baffles you and you go like what what are you doing? What are we doing?
I get this one by the way.
Unknown Speaker 53:52
What is that? What do you think is happening? Seriously, what do you think is happening? What he's doing nothing?
Yeah, I think it could be like you're saying taking that, you know, the hunting to the other or like, Oh, no. Okay, so men, they don't they're not always chattering on in their brain, their brains different than a woman. So just being or like you're saying sitting on the couch or watching a TV Bejing out? I'm not sure I just know.
Unknown Speaker 54:18
Yeah, I want to hear that baffles women when you sit is the TV's not even on. Okay. Right. Just said what are you doing nothing. What are you thinking about? Nothing. Right. What's happening is this is the physiology of males. The Hunter has to in order to keep the house, the wife, the culture, the tribe, whatever Save As to always be ready to fight. Right? So you're not you don't have that default mechanism you gather, right? You think you have energy, and you keep going and going and going until you fall over 11 o'clock at night exhausted. You don't have a gauge for spending Your energy, everything is always pulling in, you don't have that gauge males have a gauge where I go do some stuff expend energy in a sit in a recover. This is the Dr. John grades material between 30 and 60 minutes when he sits is rebuilding testosterone is energy, you know that for the next battle for the next hunt. That's all he's doing. He's not thinking he's rebuilding, the system shuts down when he says down, turn off the battery, and internally recharge his chemistry. Then he gets up, he goes off to something else. And the more energy he spends, the more he has to recover. With so naturally aware of this, it's automatic men know how to stop when to stop and what they need, and with how they need to take care of their bodies in order to be able to fight this neurotic it's built in it's in the DNA to you use just flicking sitting there. No, no, he's actually rebuilding his chemistry.
That's a different reframe, right?
Unknown Speaker 56:04
Oh, that's right. Yeah. What you don't want to do this is what if you want to like an example of a collapse or collision is a Saturday afternoon he just finished mowing the lawn. It's not in 10 outside or you know, in Atlanta, and in nine plus humidity. Right? So it takes a couple of soaking wet, right? You just spend a ton of energy, mowing the lawn, let's say he comes back in the house, washes his hands, towels, his face sits on the couch. Now the TV could be on or off. It doesn't matter, right? It could be on and he's not even paying attention. Right? You don't know that? It looks the same. Right? Then you go, Oh, good. You know, he's done with his shit. Excuse My French. And you go go right into him? Because he's obviously not doing anything. Right? Obviously, it's just sitting there and doing it. Thank you, babe, I need to help you with the shelves in the garage. Remember, you will get helped me last week and we never did it. So let's go down. And he gets mad. And you go, what the hell? What kind of a jerk? did I marry? Right? Why do you get mad? Because you're interrupting his rebuilding. And there's another one that you're not gonna like, but factual reframe that men have a plan for typically for the entire day, the day before? Certainly that morning. So if you plan to do mow the lawn, and he's recovering, then he might have thought and plan already that he was going to change his pants and go to Home Depot, because he needs that fertilizer because there's a dead patch on the grass that can't, you can't frickin recover from right after Home Depot, he might just stop, you know, buy the fishing store because you know, he's needs that that that? And then money's out there. He might just get the carwash. Right? He's got this hosting plan. But to you, he's just sitting on the couch. So then you go help me with this. And he goes no. And then certified. Because you're stepping on his plan. You think he's a jerk? He thinks you're unreasonable. That's fine. I have 7000 of these.
I think that's, I get that makes sense. I also feel any commitments couples make, especially when you have children, and you're really busy. You know, if you're committed to do something, like maybe just mowing the lawn? Right? Then you mow the lawn? If you and, you know, in our family, we all did landmark education. I did it or send it, lifted it. And I want I wanted them to do it. Because I wanted to know when you commit to do something, so I don't have to be thinking about it. So if you follow through, when you talk about, you know, I'm thinking, you know about a man cave, and I forgot the person I didn't think to bring up his name today. I could add it and find out who he is below in the in the shownotes. But he talks about the man cave and how you know, it's his cave, not hers. And he's in there, and he might be doing nothing. And she comes in and said, Hey, what are you doing? And you know, he's like, nothing? And then oh, can I come in here and clean? No, no. And then all this area that you know, like because we're building a loft here finishing one and it may be close man cave and he can go do whatever he wants. And you know, it's perfect. You know, I kind of want a woman's cave too though. I want my little funkier by the lake so.
Unknown Speaker 59:23
So you can't and you can't you know, if you if you tell him what it would provide to you that would make you happy. Watch him build it fast and in his man cave.
Yeah, this is gonna be my writing. I know. I know. We have so much here. We knew that was gonna happen. Andre. I know. I told you. I know. But it's fun. I was just gonna share with you the beginning when we're talking about something with language. Just before we started taping is you know, there was a show called Two and a Half Men that I used to enjoy are very, very funny, you know, in many ways and Cliff and I used to speak on cruise lines and we did this sort of thing back together. about communication and listening and one of the shows on there. He's he says to the woman, you know, I understand he doesn't say anything he's listening. He just ends with I understand. And and Charlie doesn't understand and his brothers like, What do you mean? You understand? He goes, Well, I don't know, you know, he's saying to his brother, but so he's listening and keep saying that, and literally the other woman feels heard, you know, and that's all she needed. And so, clip said that on one of our cruise lines, and you know, the people in the audience, the men, they like that, right? Yeah, anytime closest to me. I said, Don't go there. Don't go with the I understand that that's the anchor is gone for me. So it's kind of funny, but it's kind of funny. It is, Andre, you have a special gift that you've created for our listeners to the links to you. And the gift. Yes, will be below in the show notes. Can you share that with our listeners today?
Unknown Speaker 1:00:48
Yes. So you know, if anything I said is tantalizing audience so they're curious, you know, so what I'm offering any of you, for new listeners is a conversation to talk about their circumstances. So if you go to WWE dot, Andre coaching one, I'm sorry, Andre, group coaching.com, Andre, group coaching, calm, it's all low cap all stuck together, it takes it to my calendar. And just find that open slot that works for you, and book, The VIP one hour conversation, and we have a conversation about your challenges, you know, whether it's the cultural beat, or you find yourself resonating with what I said, and a way out or a different way, or a modern way to do love relationships, you find yourself saying stuff, like, be nice to have a man but you know, man, I promise you, eventually it's gonna come and haunt you the idea of, you know, it'd be nice, but I don't need it. You know, it's like, often, by the time you realize that you're really attached to it, you get yourself into a space where it's very difficult to unravel your bad habits, if I want to put it this way. You know, if you say I don't need a car, and I can take the bus and I'm fine, you're never gonna buy a car. Never gonna buy a car, because I'm fine. So I don't know, man, I'm fine with that one, it'd be nice to have one, but I'm fine without it, you're never gonna have a man I like so. Don't be a client of mine and wait too late to push to fight to the place where you realize that maybe, you know, it'd be nice to have some companionship, some support, some help, you know, some safety and add a safety in that, you know, and that maybe the culture was not really the best, you know, teacher for you or your mother or your teachers or whatever, right? Your girlfriend. So what is it that you want? So that call is basically is a deep dive into your psyche. So women are masculine because of the terrible things that happen in their childhood. That's important because sometimes that's where you're blocked. I can't trust men, you can trust humans. You can't you know, it's all on you and you're not good enough. Whatever beliefs that you picked up, or you made up about your life yourself. The world people at 56789 10 years old, run the show. The subconscious is running the shop. So when women come to me with, you know, what's wrong with me? I'm attractive. I'm young and everything. Nobody. I go honey, there's nothing wrong with you. Let's go find out how you get to be that way. Like what is it that you protect yourself from neurotically without that you forgot about? And realize there's nothing wrong with you just probably have a lifetime of bad habits per your childhood perfect from that place is liberating right like then you go there's nothing wrong with you. So then from here so was it the you want? What is it you want? Your family you want children you don't really want a cup but you can only companionship. Okay, well, we can do that. Now. You know, if you're a woman want to be in a relationship with a man, again, you have to learn to dance with the man. So what does that look like? What you know, understanding what attracts men understanding what makes him commit this? Do you know what makes a man commit out loud? Nobody knows. And men can explain it. Your yes or no? is in or is out. Right? So these are the things you have to learn like a dance you have to learn it they're like what is it that attracts men where it makes them stick around and commit and take care of you want to take care of you want to keep you happy and comfortable? Like right so there's a whole system there this instinctual that men respond to not think about respond to but you have to know what it is and you have to have to want to do it but everything the culture is teaching your ladies is keeping you from relationship with men because everything that you pride yourself, but they think it's more important, it's better is good free business will kill the relationship with men. So that's kind of important to know. Okay, it's just right. So that's What I'm offering to your listeners, okay? It's on me, it's on me. It's just a discovery into what you want. where it went wrong possibly. It always goes right arrived somewhere. And then what's keeping you from everything you want? Alright. That's That's it, you know, it's a great call.
Well, thank you. I'd also like to invite our listeners today, this is something we're doing you to subscribe, share and rate us on Apple iTunes, which I've just really learned how to do. Become part of our community here. We're all about raising consciousness and vibration to heal humanity and our planet. That's my whole vision. And, you know, share with us your takeaways today. What did you learn here from Andre? What what really spoke to what really went oh, that's me. And if you want to have continued future conversations on the topic of relationship dynamics, communication, please let us know. And Andre, thank you for sharing from your heart and soul. Your wisdom yes on relationship dynamics in life and in love. No mistake. Thank you so much. You're welcome.
Thank you for listening to the Heart Soul Wisdom podcast with Moira Sutton. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. Please join our community at Moira sutton.com. And continue the discussion on our Facebook page. Create the Life you Love. You will be part of a global movement connecting with other heart centered people who are consciously creating the life they love on their own terms. Together we can raise our consciousness for the greater good of humanity and for our planet.