The Power of Humor to Heal and Connect

0:03  
Welcome to the Heart Soul Wisdom Podcast, a journey of self discovery and transformation. Moira Sutton and her amazing guests share real life stories, tools and strategies to inspire and empower you to create and live your best life. Come along on the journey and finally blast through any fears, obstacles and challenges that have held you back in the past so you can live your life with the joy, passion and happiness that you desire. Now, here's your Host Create the Life you Love, Empowerment Life Coach Moira Sutton

0:56  
Welcome to season two episode 28 The Power of Humor to Heal and Connect with our very special guest speaker, creative coach and author Lisa David Olson. Lisa is a speaker, creative coach and an author of the memoir Laughs on Rye, in which she shares how humor saved her life after an abusive childhood. Her serious tone message reveals the power of humor to heal and connect. Lisa is a writer and performer of sketch comedy parody songs and improvisation for decades. She has an energetic style and a determination that what she delivers she always leaves people on the wake with joy and happiness and laughter and a smile on their face. She also shares in her first book her project in bravery, Serious Selfies with Strangers that provided unexpected and genuine connections with people she would never have met otherwise. So without further adue, please welcome Lisa David Olson. Welcome, Lisa. 

1:59  
Hi, Moira, thank you so much for the invite. I'm honored to be on the show. 

2:04  
I thought your message, when I when I found you and I don't even know how I find people, but when I found you, I know a lot of people have had different trauma in their life and challenges. And you have so many, you know, wisdom gifts and gems we're going to share today to help other people when they are struggling or stuck. And also this idea of humor and laughing how it really is healing. And I felt that was a really, really powerful message that we haven't had on the show yet. And seeing that this is April, which is National Humor month, you know, that was created to heighten public awareness and I learned ~ of the therapeutic value of, of humor. And because you know, the month begins with April Fool's day time of pranks and silliness your thing, right? And I thought to myself, what a great time to have Lisa on as a guest. And so here you are! So let's start at the beginning. Lisa, tell us a bit about your childhood. And you know how humor did really save your life after having an abusive childhood. Let's start there. 

3:04  
Ironically, my father's birthday is April Fool's Day. And so for the longest time, I thought that it was invented because he taught me my joy of pranks. And just being silly and irony and sarcasm. He's very dry. And he's an amazing storyteller. I don't I don't have his gift for storytelling. But I don't have the patience to wait it out and build it. So he is more of that. But when I did grow up in the mid to late 60s, as a kid growing up, my mom was a functioning alcoholic. And she would, meaning she could make it to work. She was very, very dedicated to work whatever job she was, in, a lot of times, she was in a managerial position at different businesses. And she, I don't remember her ever missing work, but she was definitely at night she would become a rageful alcohol definitely made her abusive to us, we became the target my three siblings and myself. And so we learned early on that if mom was laughing, she wasn't beating us. And I'm not saying that we could start tap dancing and be silly and it would be all over. It didn't always work, but it was worth a shot. And otherwise, we also use humor in the sense of consoling each other after an episode of maybe getting dragged out of bed in the middle of the night. And you know, who threw away these mushrooms they were perfectly fine. You go in the garbage and get them and you go scrub the bathroom and you know, it's two in the morning and you're just a scared kid you you should be safe at night. And back then we just weren't. And we've all dealt with it in in our own ways. We all dealt with and in very different ways. 

4:51  
Now that was one of my questions for you because you're the third of four children and how did your siblings ~ did they learn this humor or wait like you said they healed in another way,

5:00  
I can't say that everyone's healed actually. And I'm only in touch with my older brother, the eldest of the kids is my sister and she suffers fibromyalgia, obesity, she had the lap band surgery to lose weight. But she's just never been able to focus in one successful area. She's brilliant, you know, she's just top notch she should have been, she should have had her masters and everything else. But she got married really early at 19 to get out of the house. So the way she saw out was to get married. My, the second sibling, second oldest, my brother would often hide in our camper, which was one of those pop up campers, but it was not popped up, he would just climb in there, and stay in there for a while. And we would bring him food and everything. That's kind of a hard memory to think about. Yes, now that I'm a mom, you know, and thinking, Oh, my gosh, you should feel safe when you're at home. And he also was obese and ended up with a similar kind of surgery, but different style. And he is a brilliant science teacher, completely hilarious. And so he's doing well. And then is myself my escape was humor. And also I left home at 17. So I quit school in 10th grade, and I left, I was out. And I missed so much school from being sick, and literally sick and tired. And all the things and I was so far behind, I ended up quitting. And I did go go and finish on my own in like, and I was 18 19. And then there's my younger brother, who definitely suffers mental issues that I've tried to help them but I can't, you know, you can only do so much. And so he's just not in my life. I he's, he needs some assistance. And, and I've offered but I've chosen to only have certain people in my life. It took me a while to figure that out. But you you can make your own family. I'm not one that says, oh, but it's Thanksgiving. So let's invite Uncle Frank over even though we know he's gonna probably go to the bathroom on a plant in the corner. But he's family. I don't live my life that way. 

7:18  
Hmm. I totally agree with the family ~ can be family, but family can also be friends and people that come into your life. And, you know, we have some of that in our own family where, you know, my best girlfriend, we just said the other day because my birthday was a couple weeks ago because you know, we've been friends now for 35 years, I went What? You know, and she is family to me, she was there as an aunt to my son. She's always been there, through good times and through our life challenges, and she'll be there to the you know, will be two old ladies going down the street that one one day. Like in our hundreds, Yeah, in our hundreds. So that is a sister, that's a sister and you know, and the thing about who you allow in your sphere, that's a big one to learn, you know the power of saying no. And and that's very hard if you come from abuse, because I've done I've worked with children of abuse, and also very special needs children. And I had a whole workshop on just being able to say no, and even woman being able to do that a lot of women say yes to everything, instead of saying No, that doesn't work for me, or we could talk later. That's not healthy boundary thing.

8:26  
Correct. And that's when I went on to get having having my own family, I have two sons. And I did not continue that pattern. They knew early on about alcoholism on both sides of the family and what that means and they always are safe at night. You know, they're adults now. And they're out. But they I never wanted them to not feel safe in the night. I still have night frights, there's still some some things that I deal with. I'm definitely in therapy. And I I always mentioned that on my own podcast, hey, talk to a professional Don't be don't put it out there on Facebook. And I just don't know and vague booking. No, get some professional help and get the thoughts out of your head. 

9:07  
For sure, or even reading from a book ~ you need somebody who is yes ~specializes in that and can guide you through because of their skill level. 

9:16  
Yeah, and the reason I don't think it just a book would help although it doesn't hurt is because I believe in for myself especially. And a couple of my friends that also have anxiety is that you do have to talk it out. Otherwise the thought stays in your head and grows. And if you don't have a professional to give you the tools with what to do when you are worried about it. I think a book is great, but it's not going to know you and know that okay, at night I wake up every night at 2am and I have to check the door make sure nobody's at the door. You know, a book isn't going to assist with that. 

9:47  
Mm hmm. And you you know also the power of healing through sharing our life stories, which can be very scary for a lot of people What advice would you give to them because we all have our unique life story. We've all had challenges.  We've been up and down, we've been whatever labels we want to put stuff, which I love when we get into improv, you know, no labels just go for it.  But telling our love story, can you get it out? Right? You start talking about it and, and writing about it or what however you want, but there's a creative process and that, what would you say to people that they have a story and they want to write there is but they don't know where to go. Because maybe they have challenges with their self confidence. They don't feel like they're courageous to do that, or they think my story is not important. But they have a story in them that they want to tell. Where would they begin?

10:37  
Write, keep writing, write it out. And when you hear that voice that says, You don't have letters after your name, why are you writing a book? Nobody wants to hear your story. Why in the heck are you writing a book, nobody's going to read it, you can't afford it, you're not a good writer, all those things every writer has heard. And that is the negative Nelly inside your head, that is always going to be there. So now you have to decide, are you going to give it a name, my negative Nelly person is Ed. And because that my eating disorder went the opposite way of my siblings that became over obese. And so I named my the troll in my head Ed for eating disorder. And he's, he's a very ugly troll. And so I imagined that there is this presence to those thoughts. And I tell him Get the hell out. And it doesn't always work. But at least you can separate from it a little bit by saying, if we all listened to that inner voice, we wouldn't even leave the house, we wouldn't even cook. We certainly wouldn't go to work or answer phone call or anything. So you're being brave every day. And regarding why would anybody want to hear my story, exactly what I went through and exactly what other author friends of mine have gone through. And once you settle down and say, I have a passion, and I'm determined to write, you need to start writing and get the right people around you the right editors or people that will help you shape your story. And get it all out. And you'll be amazed how much more comes out once you accept that I need to write and I'm not going to settle down until I write. So that's the best part is just get it out. Just get started.

12:23  
Yes, because if you're going to edit as you go and worry. For me, it's like conversational. What's the proper way to write the conversation, you know what, write it out, you can always go back. But if you are hung up on even spelling, I would say just go get the story out while it's flowing. And always have something handy, like an app on your phone that you can speak into. And never believe yourself. When you tell yourself I don't need to write it down. I can't even say this without laughing. The biggest lie we tell ourselves is I don't need to write that down. I'll remember.  Bullcrap you won't remember, write it down, carry paper with you, and record things into your phone. Whatever works, I do both actually, it just depends. And you'll be so happy that you did. And another thing is keep paper and pen by your bedside. Because there's that beautiful space, right? When you're about to fall asleep or that quiet morning wake up. Hopefully you can have that moment that in between state and I know there's a whole lot of science around it. But that's not my specialty. When those thoughts because your body's relaxed, and you can let those thoughts in, write that down. I can write in the dark. You can too if you try it.

13:37  
You have not seen my Lisa.

13:41  
I'll tell you even when I used to Well, now I see clients versus zoom in that so so typing and my typing is good. But when I used to write and see a client in person, I'd have to go right away after and go type it because I couldn't read it after a little while. So it was more memory but my writing is a try should be a doctor that way my writing is atrocious. 

14:00  
Yeah, you can't even read your own writing, Moira. That is something! 

14:04  
It is something I know! My mom shows me ~ she's very Scottish. She keeps everything. She's 93 and she still has her love letters from my father during World War Two. 

14:15  
Yeah, yeah, that would make a cool book! 

14:17  
That would make a cool book ~ I never thought of that. Thank you. She did interesting enough because I'm working on my book right now. She said during this COVID she thought I'm going to go write a book. So she went down and she literally wrote, like five different sort of mini chapters. And we put it together and had it bound for her for a Christmas gift. Oh, she has her book about stories that which I tell her write them down. I won't remember them. I have a brother who remembers of all but me know. I'm like, Oh, don't know. You got to write it down Mum, I will not remember.

14:49  
Yeah, what a wonderful present. 

2:04  
Oh, thank you,

14:52  
Yeah, yeah. And she's ~ she's a wonderful gift in my life. So But anyway, so that's how she just she just started.  Let's talk about ~ you talked about bravery there, you have a project in bravery. And you talk about it in your book. And you love meeting new people, which I do too, so tell our audience and listeners what that's about.

15:13  
I am quite outgoing. But of course, there's certain things that make the heart thump a little bit Wilder and make you sweat in the weird places. And I call that daring yourself. And I recommend it, whether it's a small dare, or a giant dare, let's say it's putting on your shoes and walking to the mailbox, but daring yourself to make it four steps further and then come back. Or maybe it's jumping out of an airplane, and I highly recommend taking that backpack thing they give you.

15:43  
But, you know, either way...

15:44  
I've done that.

15:46  
You did?

15:47  
Yeah, it was my one of my first dates with my husband. I said to him, when I met him, Hey, you want to go skydiving and he said, Okay. And so we went and I jumped out once I couldn't wait to get back up again. And I jumped again, and we can only get so many jumps in. And then we made a pact when we got married and had our son that we didn't want to really take risks. But now if we wanted to do sure, but it was fun. A lot of fun.

16:11  
Oh my gosh, that sounds wonderful. Yeah. And so that's, you know, it's daring yourself just a little bit. And I saw these ladies, they had just bought ice cream. And it was just this beautiful day. My husband and I were walking to go to a restaurant, and they were probably young 20s and one had this waffle cone with just a bright pink ice cream. And the other one had the waffle cone with the bright blue ice cream, I'm sure it was blue moon and cotton candy. And they were so cute. Taking selfies with a brick wall in the background was just the perfect summertime picture. And I walked up to them and my husband is probably done being surprised at anything I do. And I said, Hey, can we do a selfie together? And they were like, sure, are you an influencer? And I was like, Oh, I better look that word up because I didn't know what that was. And what's your Instagram account? One of them said I said at that time I wasn't on on the i G. But now I am. So it was just funny. And so then I said, You know what, though, let's not smile. And they said what I go, let's do a serious selfie. So we did and what happens when you say don't smile, the phone goes up to take a picture, we instantly smile, even my dog poses for pictures. That's that's probably a form of cruelty. I've taken so many photos of her. But But she is the world's cutest dog. And when we went to take the picture, I said, all right now we're not gonna smile. So of course, we laugh. And then we're trying to be serious, and we couldn't. And then we were. And then after taking the picture, we look at it and we're laughing so hard. So fast forward to me doing a bunch of those, and I do a hashtag of serious selfie with strangers. And then I would be somewhere and somebody would recognize that from my Facebook. And maybe I didn't know them, but they would ask to be in a picture. And it became kind of a thing where I live, and also on my Facebook group. But the funny part is, is when I included that amongst some other serious selfies in the middle of my book, one of the moms saw it, and knew me and connected with me. And she said, that's my daughter. And we all got together. Because I've known this gal just through doing entertainment. And she had a different entertainment company. And I was like No way. This is so awesome. So we met up for coffee. And there was like eight of us. And we laughed and we took more pictures. And then we went to the secondhand store. And we were singing Abba and acting like we were in a musical and all of that, because that day, I dared myself. Uh huh. And I have so many wonderful stories like that, of Connecting, Connecting through humor, and having actual friendships from that, not just the one but many.

19:02  
That's That's wonderful. When you brought that up the dare I forgot all about it until you said it ~ that I had a dare that I gave my clients way back. And it was to get them out of their comfort zone. And it was to go into a place like McDonald's or Tim Hortons we have and you know, order a glass of Chardonnay and a steak or something that they don't sell. Right? Yes. And do it there. Seriously, I'd like to Chardonnay, please with a Caesar salad on the side and a piece of chicken roasted please. And and you have to you can't do it with nobody around you have to like when it's busy. And I say it seriously. And I'll tell you all my all my people who did it, they were terrified because they had to get they had to commit it by a date. So when the day came up, they waited to the very last moment to do it. But once you get past that little fear, like Oh, am I gonna look stupid? Because if what they said to me was like, pardon a couple times. And then they said, we don't we don't we don't sell that here. I think said oh, well, thank you very much. And off I went, right?

20:03  
But oh my god, you want to supersize that Chardonnay?

20:07  
But it was just terrifying for my clients to do that it was really to show them, you know, what, what really is this fear fear that comes up? Was it really there was a false evidence appearing real is one of the books that was out about 30 years ago. You know, or is it really that how you feel about that, like, ooh, scary, but it was showing you you can break through some of your fear patterns, like we're saying, writing a book, like, or getting out speaking, or, you know, all those things, to do something new to challenge yourself, or what you said ~dare yourself every day?

20:39  
And when you said, What do you tell people that say, Why should I write, the last part of that is that after I did write about my story, and I did put in the beginning of my story, my siblings version will be their own, and they're welcome to write their own. This is mine, that has helped so many people that I've talked to, and I don't mean it in a cocky way, but people will, a good friend of mine hasn't published yet. And she said, I just don't know what's going to happen when my let's just say when my sister reads this. And I told her about the beginning of my book and reminded her that I wrote, my siblings may have a different account of what happened. Everyone's story is their own. But this is the way I recall it. Because I wanted to stop thinking about that way. And when I did publish, then I had some people tell me that I was brave. And then they wanted to share their story because they hadn't been sharing their story. And they've, they've been holding it. So it's rocks in a backpack that we carry around, and it's invisible, but it's there, and it's weighted. And so that's another reason to share your story, you might connect with others, and they might be inspired to open up a little bit. Not saying that you're a therapist, I always direct people if they ask anything beyond just saying that I was brave. If they asked me questions, I just say, you know, I've got this great therapist, you know, you should find one because I'm not that but there is no harm in in saying, Wow, I went through that too. And Geez, you know, this is this is good to get this out. But I'm going to McDonald's and asking for a Chardonnay is a great exercise. And I challenge anyone listening to try something like that, or, or ask for a hot dog over there or, because what happens is, not only was that something that you dared yourself and your clients to do, but it also was a hoot, I'm sure you left by the time you got to your car if you're a straight face. And don't forget those around you that heard it, thought you were nuts, and they thought it was funny, or they knew you were doing a dare and they were laughing. And that worker definitely went back and talked to other workers and said, You will not believe the lady out front just ordered a Chardonnay, a Caesar salad and a piece of roasted chicken. And so what that does is it causes the ripple effect of joy. Yes. And that's so important. Because the next interaction, people are laughing, and they're sharing that story. And there's no harm in that.

23:01  
I think too ~ tell me how you did this, a lot of people, we all have our story, but to share the kind of story you've shared, that is really brave and courageous. There might be a lot of people who are like, Oh, I'm gonna be judged for that, or people are gonna look at me different, you know, or somebody who maybe has an alcohol problem or a problem or an addiction, or shopping or whatever it is, you know, for them to really share that because it will be healing. But then to get past the feeling that somebody is going to judge me and give me a title. How would you tell somebody to get past that to really just, you know, there'll be people that like you, there'll be people that you know, do not like you that agree with your beliefs, not agree with your beliefs? What would you say?

23:45  
Well, that's how you find your ~ that's how you find your people. If they don't like you, they better move aside. But those that get it get to stay. You know, once once we've been on on the earth long enough, we kind of go fine, it's not for you. That's cool, move aside. But part of it is an improv trick that helps you become brave, and that is, I don't know what to do. But if I did, I would do this. And you take a step forward and start. And part of that is maybe you pretend you're somebody else. Maybe. Maybe I'm not Lisa at McDonald's right now. But maybe I'm Nancy, and she has her own show. And this is her line. So I'm going to step forward and not worry about it. I you know, a lot of times when people are comics on a stage, that's not what they act like when they're offstage, most stand up. comics are a persona of their own self and they are a parody of their own selves. So don't think that when you see a comic performing, that's who they are when they're sitting in their living room. And in people like me that are so outgoing and outward with with humor and putting on shows. People think you're constantly that way and it's that's why we have fewer friends that are close. I really get it is because No, we didn't come to your party to entertain the room, we just came because you said you're going to have awesome dip. But But when you're going to go do something and be brave, why not pretend you're somebody else, somebody you've seen on Saturday Night Live, or a movie that you'd love or something on Netflix? Why not just, you don't have to name your persona. But why not say it's not really Moira, but this is, you know, Lulu, and she's gonna go ask for Chardonnay. And kind of put on like a brave armor, because you're pretending to be a character.

25:34  
That's really cool and interesting. When you sit with that, again, you're bringing up these memories for me Lisa.  So that, you know, when I was in my 20s, I was working as a secretary at a media company downtown in Toronto. And there was one gentleman there that knew the comedians and actors and things at second city, which is sort of like, you probably have second city where there's improv and stand up comics. And yes you do because I went to one in Chicago when I visited a friend in Chicago when I was about 18. And when we went out, we all went out for drinks and some food at someplace close to where I work. And I wanted to dance, I love to dance. And I asked, nobody was asking anybody to dance. There was no one on the floor. And I remember asking the one of the guys, you know, do you want to dance? No, there's no one on the floor doesn't matter. And I went through a whole bunch of them. They all said no, they were scared to get up there to dance. But when they got on stage to do their their comic routine, they were totally different. But in that room, they were pretty shy.

26:34  
Yes, exactly. And they they had the nerves of about to go on. And people generally have their own performers have their own pre show routine they go through. And in my earlier years of improv, and sketch comedy, one guy had to touch every single one of his props. And another guy would do yoga, and another guy would pace and sing. And for myself, I would usually jump up and down for energy and state different nouns. And then I've switched to verbs and then switch to adjectives. I was kind of warming up my mind for random things, a rock, milk, a shoe, a kitten, a tree, you know, and just name things just to go random, random, random. And just so we all have our own little warm ups, chances are those people might have been in their own heads that way, and they didn't want to be seen before they did the show. Did you go dance by yourself?

27:31  
I'm not sure if I did or not. That was a while ago. But that part, I don't remember. But I didn't really care about things like that. I know that Cliff and I, that's my husband and soulmate. We spoke on cruise ships for quite some time. And that was a lot of fun. And they were doing a Lady Gaga thing ~ that I could never go to these lessons because it was when I was speaking. And so there was a woman about my age, they were in their 40s 50s 60s. And we were out there following how to do this Lady Gaga act and also like slapping our backside and stuff. And it was a little it was a little out there for me. And I was doing it for fun. And then they said, okay, all of you like Tonight, we're going to do that at right in the main area of the ship where people meet. 

28:15  
Oh Wow!

28:15  
And I said I don't think so. And they said yes ~ I think so you're part of this. So we have it on camera.

28:21  
Wow,

28:21  
We went and we did it. And we probably look silly, but we really didn't care. We were having such fun. And we just, you know, we did the whole thing. And you know, and there's one with another one about call me. And we did the little hand signal. And it was fun. And I wouldn't have done it unless those woman like said, No, you've got to come up with us. And so it's again, just an area that Who cares if you look silly, or that it just doesn't really matter to you no matter. I know, when I speak, speak sometimes or when I used to speak more in front of stages. If I get really into an emotion, sometimes I kind of go blank, I forget exactly what I'm going to say like it's just goes and I'll stop. And then someone might say Did you forget what you're gonna say? And I said, Yeah, I did. But just to be honest, and let them know.

29:05  
Everybody does it.

29:06  
Everybody does it. 

29:08  
So I'd rather have that than somebody who acts like they didn't and you know, it's obvious they did.

29:13  
Now trust. How did you build trust back into your your life is Was it a one step by step process to allow that because again, I want my listeners to really hear if they're in a situation that trust has been stepped over or something's happened in their life that they don't feel they can trust a person again, or you can trust maybe anybody. How do you build that muscle up again?

29:36  
I struggle with it still. I definitely trust my husband and my children. I work with police officers in the day. So there's many caveats of where it works. My own friends or different things, it's it's a thin line because I'm very, I keep A lot of things to myself. And that could be partly because of the way I grew up, it could be partly that my father is a Syrian German stubborn head. And genetically, I'm predisposed to not trust. But with trust, once somebody proves it, like, let's say I share something really private, if you find yourself saying to the person, but please don't repeat that. Well, for one, you shouldn't say anything that you have to add that to. And that's one key that maybe you don't fully trust that person and you can't take words back. So watch your words. But when I have my troop, for 20 years, I had this troop, and only a year ago, I, I sunsetted it right before, I knew that that wasn't a choice or not that it was going to be due to pandemic. But I thought, okay, 20 years leave all it's good. And that circle became my family. And so my comedy family, which includes my husband, and we just had each other's backs. So when you step on stage in a scene, and it was myself and Tracy, and we stepped in for a scene and the same thing, you said, Moira, where all of a sudden you blank. So I go to the audience and give me a room where two people might meet, maybe somebody says, a movie theater, and somebody else says, at the dog groomer. And so one of my favorite things to do is put two things together. So it's the dog groomer inside the movie lobby, why not have popcorn and shave your poodle? Why not? You know, very cool. So very creative. So Tracy, and I step into the scene and the first one to speak, sets who they are. And then the second person follows. And you can continue the story. You build the scene, by finding a conflict, you work out the conflict, and hopefully end on a funny note. But including the audience, because they had the ideas is the joy, they are now included. And they also want you to do well, because they're part of it, and didn't even have to leave their seat. So you're building the scene. And if Tracy would see that, look in my eyes that I forgot where I was or something. She and I worked together for so long that she would just pick me up, she would absolutely say, Well, I see you're, you're taking care of dogs, but I was going to order popcorns Should I just get it myself. Okay, now I know, I'm the dog groomer. She had my back, she made sure that I shown so she would hand me the spot where I could be funny. And I would do the same to her. Our crew, our group was so cohesive, that it didn't matter who got the punch line, the joy is also in the setup. And that's why we didn't switch players very often at all people wanted in the troop. And I didn't want to change the dynamic as long as my core people were involved. What that does, is you you're working on listening skills, you are together, working on listening, paying attention, and building off the idea. So if Tracy said to me, Well, I see your shaving dog right now or trimming nails for a dog. And if I would say, No, I'm not slam you might as well just pull a garage door down, very loudly with a screech and shut the scene down because you just closed it down.

33:23  
Mm hmm.

33:24  
She says, I see you're shaving a dog. And I was just wondering if I can get popcorn I say, Yes, I am. And yes, you should get your own popcorn. I'm not going to touch anything. But if you would bring some butter back here. I'm going to fix her hair with it. You know, whatever. Mm hmm. "Yes ~ And" I'm going to build on what she said. So then she might say, oh, man, I see you, you. I see that you broke a shoelace, whatever it would be. I build from that. I say, Well, yeah, one of the other dogs bid it. I mean, we're gonna look for funny this. This example isn't exactly funny. But what I'm saying is, yes. And she tells me what's going on and I build on it. And I might say to her, you know, the movies are closed, but you're welcome to sit here and pet the dogs. Okay? If she says no, then what do you do? You've got this wall. And so it's very important to use that yes and mentality to make your partner look good. What I know use it for is a business humorous.

34:20  
Yes that is where I'm going.

34:22  
Yeah, I'm pretty passionate about it. Use it at work in your daily whether it's a zoom, a phone call, even in writing. When your coworker is talking with you definitely listen, active. Listen, don't wait your turn to talk but active listen and build on what they said. So they know that they were heard or even ask a question. And the other part is when they you know when now they feel heard. And so you're going to go forward with that and support them and build on what they said. It's so important because it also builds that That trust and the feeling of listening, and just the cohesiveness of a team. So that's the same as taking it from the stage, I committed, I have your back, I want you to look good, I don't need the credit, I'll give you the credit. Because we're all together. If you have your co workers back and they know it, you watch, it comes back to you. And not everything has to be told to everyone. We all have that worker, we've been with it, they have to chirp to everybody. And it's kind of annoying, but yet, you know what's going on around the office. So it's, it's just kind of that quiet support. And it also works at home. It also works with your partner. So it could be your friend or it could be your partner or your kid. Are you listening and listening to hear that's active listening, where you set your phone down, you're not looking at a screen. And you listen. And my husband and I have this thing, where after a long day, because I do 10 hour shifts in the day. And there's days I come in I go, I got a story. And he'll say, Are you going to share? Like, do you need help with something or you just need to vent? That's that's where we've gotten to and I'll say, Oh, no, I just need to vent? Well, he doesn't have to fix anything. So he gets to just listen. And I don't want to be fixed. I just want to blab it out. And and that has been a great thing in the marriage.

36:20  
That's that's a great communication tool to give people I know for my husband, I that's that's one of our things, too. Sometimes I'm saying, I just I just want you to hear me. Do you want feedback? No, I just want you to hear me, I just want to do what you did. And, you know, we were told by my sister in law many, many years ago, will be 30 years married in November, that you two will survive because you always communicate. If you have an argument or something, you always take a step back, come back, and you speak and communicate. So there's no blaming that there's listening. And, and everyone knows when somebody's active listening, or they're busy. I know if I start talking to my husband, and he's on a computer, really, I might have been interrupted his time. And I want him to shut down and listen to me. But you know, maybe set a time for that. And you know, when someone's listening versus what you said people who just want to jump in like, Oh, I hope they stopped talking. So I can put something in there. But I love that this that. Yes. And the and those are two huge things in our dialogue and communicating in business and in life. And like you said at home. It's very, very cool. So tell me through, you know, for people to build this confidence and better communication skills, if they would laugh more, how does somebody up their humor quota each day? What would you say for them to increase that?

37:39  
Find out what really does bring you joy. My son started this thing. He's 23. And he started this thing and it's just so funny to me. He's on on Snapchat. And just to sound extra old. I always call it the Snapchat, and it drives him crazy. So he's on the snaps, and he makes these Good morning memes. And they're usually really dour. They're very dark, you know, and, and but it's this cheerful birdie, you know, you can see the sun rising, and it's like, good morning. I hope you don't screw it up, you know, that kind of stuff. He's just making these goofy things. And he said, All my friends seem to enjoy it and him once in a while send them to me. And it makes me laugh, you know? And I'm like, Oh, you're so creative. But then when he didn't do one, he had several friends reach out, Hey, where's my Good morning. It's simple things like that, to, to find a way that brings joy to others, because you can't give it away without keeping some for yourself. And just it's such a connector, and I'm so proud of him for making up this goofy thing he's been doing. And it's hilarious. It's so simple. I would say instead of looking at the news headlines at night, look for one of my favorite things. Our bloopers like The Carol Burnett Show, because I used to pretend I was raised by Carol Burnett. I'm still trying to get a phone call with her. So if you know her have her call me. 

39:04  
But never know it's a smaller world than you think. Right? 

39:09  
Oh, you've got her number.

39:10  
I've talked to a lot of people that I wouldn't have thought came into my life. So again, I don't have her number, but you never know.

39:18  
That'd be awesome. And, you know, when you look at show bloopers or, you know, maybe comics who are upbeat, like Jim Gaffigan is somebody who I'm not a prude or anything, but I just feel that the best comedy is clean and can take you to the edge and if you decide to think of it dirty, then you can but it takes more talent to be a clean comic. And so things like that before bed to bring you joy instead of there's the news so and so died. So many people are sick. This happened to why not just look for some joy. And that's one way to incorporate a good habit. And another way is strictly through communication. One of the things that I've I picked up doing again, and it's been really, really going well. I have more pen pals right now. And it's so much more fun to go to the mailbox because we always open the handwritten letter. 

40:11  
Wow.

40:12  
It's so fun like one of my friends we do art back and forth. Another one of my friends, we do a journal back and forth where you just add a line to make a story. And then my ...

40:24  
Your back and forth ~ you send the journal to the person. 

40:27  
Yes.

40:27  
Now that's like that movie with the Traveling Pants? " Oh, right" where the jeans went. So that's cool that you do that.

40:36  
Yes. And you just go to the mailbox like oh, Linda wrote to me. And, and another way to do it is just through like Facebook Messenger. If you think of your friend, and Moira you don't have to say a name. But go ahead and think of a friend. And I know you mentioned a gal who was like a sister to you. Send her a note I thought of you today.

40:57  
Hmm and I do that kind of thing? That's that's really great.

41:00  
Yes, a lot of people think of somebody they might say, Yeah, I thought of you last week. It's funny, I see you. But what if you had sent him a note last week? because who doesn't want to get something like a quick pop up note? That doesn't? Is not asking for anything? Is not reporting some awful news? Did you hear so and so died? You know, I'm not saying you wouldn't share that news. But how much can you take?

41:22  
Well, personally, I don't really watch the news. I know, it's important to know what's happening. But, and of course, everything that's happened down there in the States, it affects us up here too in Canada. But I don't choose to do that. My mom, on the other hand is old school. She watches the news every night at six o'clock. And then sometimes she'll come up, start talking about it. And I'm like, I don't want to hear mom, if you know, for something that's going to affect us. I just, you know, I look in the time, but I don't want to be discussing that. And, and Cliff's father who's 103 he watches the news every night. So that's kind of like old school, they watch the news. And I don't do that.

41:58  
So right.

41:59  
I'm not politically inclined. And so I'm one of these spiritual people, the woowoo. But I'm not woowoo. But I am very spiritual. And I really believe what this show is all about raising the consciousness and the vibration of each person for healing the planet and humanity. So my whole thing here is around this to inspiring and empowering people to live their best life and humor and healing is part of that. It's part of the journey for many people.

42:27  
It is it's such a connector humor is so healing in that not only does it connect us, because it doesn't matter if we are the same ethnicity, age group, any of that we we can be standing next to each other. And if something funny happens, puppy parade, and they're just silly, and they're tripping over each other. We all are going to giggle and think that's the cutest thing. We don't need to speak the same language or be the same age or anything. And then that next interaction is so joyful. And we just shared a moment. And you just can't plan those all the time, and you can't guarantee it's going to work. So when they happen, it's magical. It is a great way to connect. But the other thing is the healing of humor is that it raises your endorphins. It helps release serotonin, it lowers your blood pressure. There's so many healthful benefits to actual laughter I know there's some people that do laughter yoga, that's not my thing. But they could tell you all the benefits of simply forcing yourself to laugh does the same effect myself, I'm pretty greedy. I need the thing to make me laugh. But some people can find that. And so for myself, I'm I love to write comedy. I love to read comedy. And I still love to perform it. So I do a lot of stuff just on my own Facebook page. And in my facebook group. That's a comedy group as well.

43:50  
Yes, I've been following you and I love the one that you were on the deck. You were, you know, shoveling snow and you're down in Minnesota. Is that correct? Yes, I am. Yes. And we have a lot of snow here in Canada too, right now going on. And that's okay. It's pretty I'm looking at it right now. And you know, the how you just do that. That's because sometimes, some of us might not think we can do that. Like I said, I didn't think I was a jokester kind of person. My, my older brother, who's now having a ball in the spiritual world he passed two years ago. You know, he was always very funny, but but it's interesting. Cliff again, my husband, he reads to his Dad twice a week from a story because his father's eyes are tired and he doesn't read himself. So he reads from story every week sitting in our bedroom, and for about half an hour. So I went in the other day when he was reading and I started acting out everything he was saying.

44:42  
Oh my God.

44:42  
So when he said going downstairs so it below the bed, you know, things and I was doing it and I and he was smiling, kind of laughing. And then he told his father what I was doing. And after that I had so much fun and I said I didn't know I could do that. Like See, I didn't know because it was just I thought I'd like to do that with some people. Just start a story and start acting it out. Where before I say, I didn't know I could do that. And that was so much fun.

45:06  
Oh, I love that thought and there's and it was just in the moment you were totally improv and being playful and sharing the joy. That is a great example. And it made you feel good, too.

45:18  
It did it do. So you call yourself let's look at this, the icebreaker queen. 

45:24  
That's one of the things yeah, I'm mainly a business humorist and speaker and podcaster. But I definitely like to help with icebreakers. And I my tag is that I promise not to scare your introverts.

45:38  
Well, like you, you mentioned when we first got to have our Hello call, so we could get to know each other that you also play pranks on your dogs. With your dog ~ right?

45:48  
Yes, I do. Because all the all the guys moved out. I don't know why. Just because I'll hide in a closet for over half an hour, because I know you're going to come and get your laundry out. And love pranks. And I even do it at at work, which is with police officers. It doesn't go as well there, but I still won't quit.

46:07  
So Lisa, if you thought back to your younger self. So what would you tell your younger self? What advice knowing that everything you've gone through your life now to this very moment right now? What would you say to your younger self for advice or wisdom jam, or just a big aha moment?

46:27  
I would say to me that you're not dumb. And I don't want you to go forward in life thinking that you're dumb. And I want you to try the things now. And don't think that you have to wait because we don't know how long we have. So be brave and know that you're smart and try the things that you want to try.

46:48  
That's beautiful. Beautiful. Lisa, I know you have a special gift for our listeners today. Could you tell us what the name of that is and what what benefit they're going to have from it. And I want everyone to know that the links are going to be below this interview, to your gift and also all the links that you can find Lisa in the show notes.

47:11  
I have a section of my book Laughs on Rye and that book is taken from my life. And it is finding humor through childhood abuse, failed marriages and other hurdles. And I love the part that is right on the front cover that says a life made of choices instead of excuses. And I share the ups and downs of the relationship with just my childhood. But then finding humor and finding my humor family, a lot of pranks even one of the OB visit. And so if you want to laugh along with me, and there's a lesson after every little chapter, but it's not teaching you it's just saying what I learned. And so I've got a section of my book if you're interested just to see what it's like. And also, just a little quick snip to show you the journal I wrote, which is called What ifs and Why nots ~ creative cues to help you get unstuck with your projects. And then if and if you're interested, reach out for just the one on one creative session, I do those. And we could do a special rate for that if you say you heard this show, just reach out if you're interested. Most of the people that reach out to me are stuck in a project, like an entrepreneur issue with their small business, I've got authors reaching out because they can't launch their books in person, which is really hard. You used to just have these great parties. And now you kind of have to be extra creative. And so reach out and we can go through things and twist and turn. Sometimes again, you have to get those ideas out of your head to reshape them. And just I have tools that help you think really big and then we make it workable. And then the other thing is the creative cues. It's a really quick sheet that you can get and it's just a creative cues Starter Pack just to get you thinking a little more colorful, a little more off to the side different viewpoints.

49:10  
Love that!  Lisa, thank you so much. Thank you for sharing from your Heart and Soul today your Wisdom on the Power of Humor to Heal and Connect.  Namaste.

49:23  
Thank you for listening to the Heart Soul Wisdom podcast with Moira Sutton. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. Please join our community at MoiraSutton.com and continue the discussion on our Facebook page Create the Life you Love. You will be part of a global movement connecting with other heart centered people who are consciously creating the life they love on their own terms. Together we can raise our consciousness for the greater good of humanity and for our planet.